I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
