Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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