apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
