I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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