I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
