how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
