Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
