walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
