I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
