I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
