you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
