He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
How's work?
Spinning.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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