i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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