I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
