Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
