I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
