is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
