so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
