You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Pants are for mortals
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