We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
