i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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