oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
