I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
