I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
