I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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