Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize