Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
