she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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