I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I smell stomach acid.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
