in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
