totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
