ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
