; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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