he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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