gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
