We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize