I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
