The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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