morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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