but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
no, he came in my armpit
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
