i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
