you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
