what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
