So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How naked do you want me to be?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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