i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
