The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
