I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
