ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
