i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
