So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
