I must be too annoying 4 u.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
