I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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