PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I still have a little drunk in my system
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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