Need sex. Gaining weight.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
