I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Randomize
