Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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