it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
