My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
