You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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