Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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