I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
