can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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