There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Never joke about your clitoris.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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