you traded sex for a burrito?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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