im drinking this country out of the recession.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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