This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
