Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
