dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
FUCK WHALES
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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