So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
