There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You were trust falling into bushes
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
