every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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