I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
