epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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