i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
smell my finger.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
