i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
