I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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